← | → I stay up for no reason doing nothing when I have so many things to do. So I wake up early in the morning to finish what should've been done days before. You would think after all of the mistakes I've made, I would learn. But I don't because I'm stubborn and because I take things casually and with indifference. I've stopped paying attention to the politics at my job mostly due to my absence. I'm not scheduled to work as much as I used to but I make the same, being promoted to manager and all. If anything, my absence has helped me get away from everyone that I'd prefer not to be involved with. It's like turning your back on your friends but with everything that's happened between me and her...It's like she kept the friends after the divorce. And they tell me I won the friends. No one won a thing after everything happened. If anything, she came out a winner. I just came out more pessimistic than ever and more skeptical of the people around me. Really, I've come to hate each of them. Mostly because they won't take my Goddamn shifts when I ask them to. I know I've helped them a ton. And that's another problem with being nice. Too much time has passed since anyone owed me back so I've come to the conclusion that they can just go kill themselves. I'm not taking their shifts anymore. So I've learned that maybe aiming for a long term relationship with someone you think is a wonderful person, someone you can get along easily with, is a stupid goal. Also, one night stands cause too many complications if you search in the wrong places. I want someone nice that's involved with my busy schedule. It would make hanging out convenient considering we'd be at the same places. But that causes a rift if everything goes terribly. And I've learned that. So it's a catch-22 presently. I've recently become more involved with APO considering I'm a co-pledgemaster. I can't help but laugh at the new pledges, a good portion of them being freshman. They go about things like they're still in high school. I just wished they'd grow up soon. It's kind of annoying. I'm secretly hoping they become as jaded as I am. Hermine C. |